My grandmother was the second youngest of fourteen siblings. Yikes, yikes, and double yikes, I know. What does this translate to for me? My mom is the youngest of thirty-six first cousins, and I’ve grown up very close to my own six first cousins. I was lucky enough (thanks to my dad’s job with TWA and my parents’ penchant for road trips) to remain close with my cousins even though, growing up, we never lived in the same city. I remember fondly making up countless dances to “Grease Lightning” with Megan, having coloring competitions with Scott, and going roller skating with David. And yes, Lauren, in case you read this, I do appreciate you cleaning up that poop incident of mine back in 1977.
Now, I live nearby to two of these cousins, and the other ones, I’m fortunate enough to visit. But my own kids only have 2 first cousins, thanks to my sister (and to my sisters-in-law’s lack of procreating). Yet, because of the crazy, close relationships that I have with my own cousins, my kids aren’t lacking in the cousin department. They might be first cousins twice-removed (or is it second cousins?), but to my kids, they’re just plain family.
And family relationships ARE just different from friendships. Perhaps it’s the shared blood, the shared history, or the inside jokes that come from years of togetherness, but I’m thankful for my own cousins and for the relationships that my children are forming with theirs.
Here’s why I think cousin-cousin relationships should be fostered:
1. They’re forever there: Hopefully, we parents will not outlive our children. So, when we’re gone, I hope that my kids will have their cousins to love them, guide them, and be there for them. When we go skiing with my cousin, David, and his kids, we like to think that our grandparents are looking down on us, and that nothing would make them happier than us being together.
2. You can count on family in tough times: I know deep down that whatever hardships I may have in life, I have my family to help me out emotionally, physically, or financially. My cousin, Megan, and I spoke of this this past weekend. Friends may come and go, but family lets you sleep on their couch, rocks your colicky baby, and cleans your kitchen for you when you just got home from the hospital.
3. The passage of time doesn’t matter: I went twenty-seven years without seeing my cousin, Jack. When he did come over to my house with his wife and kids for dinner, we shot the breeze and hung out just like we did at his Bar Mitzvah (you know, when I was three years old). My point being that the shared family stories keep you close even though time may separate you. We both had memories of Grandma Flo’s cooking and of our other cousin’s tendency toward flatulence.
4. More’s company: With cousins, you don’t so much have to worry about comfort. This past weekend, we threw five kids in the basement on air mattresses. During our summer get-togethers, we pack them in like sardines, utilizing every pull-out couch, floor space, and extra chair for the dinner table. The bathroom situation can get tricky, but when it’s family, who cares if there’s six kids in the tub at once?
5. Family is fun: I’m lucky, I know. I actually LIKE my family, not just love them. We have fun singing karoake together (”Endless Love” has never sounded so wrong), playing Taboo and Scategories, and sharing red wine over long Chinese dinners. And the kids? Forget it! Throw a handful of cousins in the basement and you won’t see them for a week!
I’m lucky, I’m thankful, and more importantly, I’m making a conscious choice to put the effort into these cousin-cousin relationships. I hope that someday, my kids will thank me.
Popularity: 7% [?]
I thank you for putting in the effort. It was such a great weekend and we are already counting down the days until our July visit!
recently we had 5 first cousins together at my mom’s (all her grandkids) and it was worth it to have them together, even though it wasn’t so comfortable for the adults crammed in too! I totally agree with you about the cousin relationships