I recently purchased a book, Steady Days, written by fellow blogger, Jamie C. Martin. She writes a blog called Steady Mom, on the journey toward intentional, professional motherhood. I like that tagline. Read it again, “intentional, professional motherhood.” To paraphrase Jamie, what if we all began each day with our children as intentionally and as professionally as we approached our careers in those former lives before we had children?
I wish, I seriously wish, that someone had posed that question to me when I first became a mother.
What if I had approached motherhood with the same deliberate education, on-the-job training, mentoring, and creativity that I did with my career as an educator? While motherhood may be the most underpaid (financially) job out there, most would not argue that it’s a valuable, worthwhile, and crucial-to-society job. But is motherhood a CAREER, even if you work other jobs in addition?
If, according to Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary, a career is a “permanent calling,” which motherhood definitely is, or a career is “a pursuit of progressive consecutive achievement in …public life,” then I believe it is, and I think that my children definitely see themselves as the center of my universe, too. So if I TRY (and let’s face it, that’s the optimum word here) to approach my role as a mother as my actual calling in life rather than just a series of jobs to get through each day, if I live more deliberately, perhaps I will be more fulfilled. And there’s no telling what effects it’ll have on my children.
Just like any parenting book, there are lessons that you take away with you after reading Steady Days, and of course there are chapters or parts that didn’t resonate with me. I like Martin’s ideas of how to save your children’s artwork, how to keep one page per kid per year of memories for yourself to savor, and how traditions don’t have to center around holidays. She writes that one fun family tradition is that her husband brings home a picture of a garbage truck to their son each week and it’s an event that he looks forward to.
Martin also writes a lot about staying organized and focused as a mother, just like you’d do in a successful career. Now, type-A that I am, this both appeals to me and is like preaching to the choir! But, I do like her suggestion/reminder about having both scheduled playtime with your children and free play (or unstructured playtime) each day. And I love how she reminds me to rotate those scheduled play activities.
I tried to do so this week with Luke. On Monday, we had structured “puzzle time.” On Wednesday, we played with his wooden farm blocks. On tomorrow’s docket, we’re going to do a messy art project. I’ve even blocked off 15 minutes every other day for him to start using the computer with me.
It’s not about over-scheduling–it’s about structuring your day so that you have time for what needs to get done, what you’d like to get done, and what seems just plain fun that day. Often, I find myself hurried and harried. I check my email too often, leave dinner preparation till 5:30 p.m., and try to do too many things at once. By slowing down, and yes, perhaps even planning out my work and play activities with my children, maybe we’ll be sure to get the really great stuff in—like yesterday, how Annabel and I baked peanut butter cookies because on my schedule, baking was penciled in.
Of course, we all need to throw plans away sometimes, too, and have the flexibility to sing show tunes around the dining room table when the need arises. “Defying Gravity” from Wicked is our current favorite.
Maybe it’s just an attitude change. Maybe I’m not really even changing what I actually DO with my kids. But this week has seemed less rushed, less stressful, and more enjoyable. I’m going to keep roughly planning out each day with my kids. I’m going to remember that my own life’s work not only includes these two children who I helped to create, but rather is more so two children who I am helping to unfold into the best Luke and the best Annabel they can be.
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Thanks for this post, Mel. Just ordered the book.
Sometimes — when I’m feeling motivated on a Sunday — I plan out my week meticulously (like I used to do when teaching middle school). I know those weeks always, always feel less rushed and more fulfilling, even when I don’t get to everything scheduled because of one of those teachable moments. Now if I could just be more consistent with the scheduling …
I may not be liked for saying this, but the thought of reading that book makes me ill inside. I think that as women, we are now highly educated and sorely under stimulated. This need to approach motherhood as a career is not only scary but I feel as though it undermines the very nature of allowing children to develop into who they are instinctively. Scheduling “not scheduled” time is a very very frightening concept. I think we need to not worry that others may think motherhood isn’t a career. Sometimes being a mother is incredible and other times it’s unbearable. Some days are filled with wonder and laughter, and others are laden with tears and tantrums. Instead of planning out the trajectory of the roller coaster of motherhood, we need to get on, take a deep breath, lift our arms, scream, smile laugh, and let go.
Cindy,
I think you make a VERY compelling and valid point. What you wrote above really made me think.
I guess what I liked about this woman’s book is this: when you stay home all day with your child(ren), what do you DO? How can you structure your day so that everyone (mom included) gets at least some of what they need as an individual?
I like that you offer a new viewpoint on this. Thanks.
“Sometimes being a mother is incredible and other times it’s unbearable. Some days are filled with wonder and laughter, and others are laden with tears and tantrums. Instead of planning out the trajectory of the roller coaster of motherhood, we need to get on, take a deep breath, lift our arms, scream, smile laugh, and let go.” This also sounds like what it felt like to be a teacher, which, for me, was always about striking a balance between being very deliberate about what and how I taught (”planning out the trajectory”) and making space for students to develop into who they were meant to be (letting go), which sometimes — thank goodness — changed the trajectory. I think there’s a place for both the concepts in this book and a more messy, open, screaming, smiling approach to motherhood.