The Break Up


Dear 3 AM-

We’ve been seeing a lot of each other lately, and I gotta tell you that I have not been enjoying our time together. It turns out that all you have to offer are feverish three year olds, hacking babies, and more moans, cries, and whines than a parent could possibly handle.

You’re dark, cold, and even covered in freshly fallen snow, unpleasant. I’ll admit that I’ve been seeing 4 AM a lot this fall too, but at least that hour can offer slightly more rest and the hint, if not the promise, of sunrise.

Perhaps you think you’re being cute, surprising us every night. But 3 AM could never be cute. Not if you held a sleeping baby, puppies, a Mini-Cooper, or Robert Pattinson. You could never delight.

Sure, we had some fun back in the day. The occasional party, camping out, a night of talking, some insomnia before my wedding day. But I’ve grown tired of you now, 3 AM. Soooo tired. Don’t you think it’s time for you to be moving on?

I know there are people in this world who can appreciate you. Bakers, guys who run snow plows, overnight shipping personnel, Carl Kasell, vampires… I am no longer a “fan of 3 AM” though. I am unfriending you.

So please leave your key on the night stand, take your things, and just go.

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One Response to “The Break Up”

  1. Hilarious! Wish I could come there and give you a middle of the night break!

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