The OED cites “heartache” from 1000 (meaning “heartburn”). But Hamlet’s use of the word is the first recorded use of “heartache” to mean “pain or anguish of mind, esp. that arising from disappointed hope or affection.”

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In a room
There is a needle
And I’m surfing
at least I’m bobbing up and down in the ocean on my surfboard
trying to capture that feeling of escape
from this.

And I have two healthy, beautiful children
And I have made the right choices, sacrifices, to have them
And yet I am circling the drain of what could have been
but isn’t
and what isn’t probably wouldn’t be better than what is
what isn’t would probably be much much harder to bear

To women who have lost a child, children, that they never held in their arms
It is not seemly to grieve too openly, too long
And I agree
I am so blessed and fortunate to have what I have
And yet

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5 Responses to “The OED cites “heartache” from 1000 (meaning “heartburn”). But Hamlet’s use of the word is the first recorded use of “heartache” to mean “pain or anguish of mind, esp. that arising from disappointed hope or affection.””

  1. Poignant, beautifully written. And heartbreaking.
    Your heartache is real and well-deserved. You need not feel guilty for grieving for your loss, even if it was before birth. Grieving doesn’t mean that you don’t appreciate and love the children that you do have.
    Thank you for opening up.

  2. Tara Jordan says:

    Thank you.

  3. Cindy Shortt says:

    Your honesty is beautiful. The world is a better place with you in it.

  4. Rebecca says:

    MB I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. XX RO

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